hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
