Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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