I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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