We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
