How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
