I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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