how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
