i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
