we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
