I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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