there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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