you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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