When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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