belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
