So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
