stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
