you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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