Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
