I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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