God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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