Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
