Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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