4 words: hood of his car
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
