the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
