She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm getting married
To pizza
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
