we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
