after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
