The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
