I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
