Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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