Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
