Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
