DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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