U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
