I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
