Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
