she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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