I CAN MOONWALK!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
