I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
