Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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