Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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