We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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