I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
