Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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