Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
