Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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