you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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