chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
