I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
