You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
