and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
