my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
