You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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